Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
