last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I did not marry a roomba.
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