you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
