Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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