All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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