you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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