Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
