lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
