I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
