you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize