i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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