If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
