Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
