I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
