Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
