I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
