She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
