dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
