dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Be still, my beating vagina.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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