by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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