I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
