oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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