my soul wont recognize me after tonight
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
