The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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