i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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