Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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