When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize