3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
