I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
