OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
