four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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