I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
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