I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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