need another drink. this is the easiest way
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
