8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
