I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
