dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
