Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
