She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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