I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
