Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
