Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
