Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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