absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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