Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
