Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
