I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
That was before I lit my hair on fire
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
