I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
