You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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