i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
