Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
