Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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