THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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