Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
